First off, if you haven't noticed I'm bring back this blog. It's been years since I posted, but I feel like now is the right time to start posting again. I'm in a better place now in my life, however there is still a need to "vent", or share my stories with everyone. So here we go.
All last week at work people (both customers and co-workers) have been asking if I had any big plans of the 4th. To which I respond, no. My husband and I have spent the day cleaning our house and relaxing in-between. Nothing major, and then they ask if I'm going to watch fireworks?
No, no I am not. I am so over fireworks for many reasons. First off, there is really nothing much to celebrate right now with the current state of things. Second, fireworks are loud and alarm my cats. Third, again loud and I have PTSD, loud noises and bangs really amp up my anxiety. Mostly, though, it has to do with my childhood, and you guessed it. My mother.
So let's begin.
I don't like fireworks, or even balloons for that matter, because my mother would encourage people, friends, family, ect. to torture me with both. Starting when I was very little, like five or six, my mother and stepfather went to watch fireworks in the parking lot of a local zoo. In the parking lot on the other side were a group of young men setting off bottle rockets. Well one got away from them, and it came right at us. I freaked, and my mom, who was pregnant at the time, got hit by one. It burned her pretty good. Up till that point I never saw the harm in things like fireworks or sparklers. After that I was warry of them.
Fast-forward to another July 4th, at a BBQ everyone was playing with sparklers, expect me. I was afraid of them, and my mother knows this. What does she do? Gives sparklers to my little brother and sister, and tell them to chase me with them. Not thinking anything was wrong, they did so. In fact they chased me for hours with sparklers. I wouldn't even get close when they did the little worm thing, where it burns and makes a black worm or snake looking thing on the group.
Aside the 4th of July there are other times my family has played with fireworks. Mainly when we would visit from out of time, and impromptu family reunion would take place. Complete with fish fry, guns, and lots of fireworks. Oh and add tons of alcohol. Things always got crazy at those gatherings, and when the fireworks would come out, I would go hide inside.
Then came the discovery of the Bang snaps. Those things you throw on the ground and they make a little spark and snap sound. Yeah, not a good time for me in the least. See my mother would give these to my little brother and sister. I'm talking when they were three and four. Which I find far to young to be playing with those. Well, they thought it was hilarious to throw them at me. My mother encouraged this behavior, and the more I disliked it the more they would do it. The more Danielle (my mother) would laugh. For the record those Bang snaps hurt when they go off on skin. This ended up becoming a 4th of July tradition for my family. Torture Jackie with Bang snaps. I mean anytime of year they could find them, they would use them on me.
Not a fun time at all!
Then there were other times when fireworks have gone wrong in my household. Including the mortar shell that blew up right in front of us, nearly took out half the party we were having. The miss-thrown set of firecrackers, smoke bombs gone wrong, and my brain child of siblings using upside down can of air to make a flame thrower.
As you can see, I don't have a good history with fireworks or things the go bang in general. Growing up in a household with a lot of strife and yelling, loud noises really make me uncomfortable. Add up the years of torture at the hands of my family, and yeah. I just don't like fireworks. Sure they are pretty to look at, but that doesn't detract from the bad effects of them for me.
So, be safe out there tonight. Don't torture people, and enjoy your Fourth!
